i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
