The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
