I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
