His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
