You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
