I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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