areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
