I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
