the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
