I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
