Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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