i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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