another moral hangover. fuck.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize