dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
