there's paper in my vomit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ttyl tear gas
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
