apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Four minutes until I can fart!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize