We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
