I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
