I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize