my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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