So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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