I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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