We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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