his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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