Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
