how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
