but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
