You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
