I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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