That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
