alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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