her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's get the cat blown out
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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