i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
