its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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