Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
