If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
