Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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