her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
