All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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