I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
