I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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