He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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