"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love you. Go after that dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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