guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
