Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize