Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
