She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
