Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
