Nicole vs. Life
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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