I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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