Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize