He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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