tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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