I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
