before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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