Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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