I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
