ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
not ubering you a puppy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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