I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
