How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
