I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
