You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
