I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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