I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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