I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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