Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
