sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
