I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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