remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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