Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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