why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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