She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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