Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
