The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
