he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
