Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
