cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
