I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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