he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
