you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize