Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
