oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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