i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
