don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
