ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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