she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
